To Forgive or Not to Forgive…
By Jesse Jost
Luke 11:25“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”
There is a view floating around Christendom that we should not forgive until the offender confesses and repents. Proponents of this view argue that Eph. 4:32 commands us to forgive one another just as God in Christ forgave us. Thus, they say, since God forgives us only after confession and repentance, we also should only forgive after confession and repentance. They claim that God does not hold us to a higher standard than He holds Himself. They also claim that forgiveness is a two way street and forgiveness can not take place until the offender seeks it. We should stand willing and ready to forgive, but not forgive until it is asked for. Is this view biblical? I would like to present some reasons why I don’t think it is.
The command in Ephesians is for us to emulate God’s forgiveness of us, not His withholding of forgiveness from unrepentant sinners. How does God forgive us? When we place our faith in Christ’s righteousness and make Him Lord of our life, God forgives all of our sins, past, present, and future, on the basis of the cross. His entire wrath towards these sins was poured out on His Son. So how does God forgive those who are His own? Unconditionally. Some may object to this by pointing to 1 John 1:9 which states that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” Yes, but it does not say “If we do not confess our sins, He will not forgive us.” There is no way any person could confess ALL their sins. Thankfully, on the basis of the cross, God can forgive the unconfessed sins of a believer. We can cling to the promise in Romans that Christ’s righteousness is imputed to us.
It is misleading to say that God does not hold us to a higher standard than Himself. While this is true, this ignores that fact that there are some things that only God has the right to do. Revenge is one of those. I believe withholding forgiveness is another. I can’t find in Scripture, any justification for not forgiving someone, regardless of whether that person has confessed or repented.
I also can’t find a biblical basis for the view that forgiveness is of necessity a two-way street. Yes, it involves two or more people, the offender and the offended, but this does not mean you can not forgive until your forgiveness is requested.
What is forgiveness? Some Biblical concepts would include: release, pardon, canceling of a debt, not holding an offence against someone. In short, choosing to harbor no ill will toward some one, and no longer seek revenge. I believe forgiveness is different than reconciliation. While forgiveness is a necessary step of reconciliation, I think it is possible to forgive someone when that person has not repented and wants no part of reconciliation. Once you forgive an offender you will want to seek reconciliation.
I believe this view, that there is ever a time when we should not forgive, contains peril. There are several passages that command us to forgive and give no exceptions. Here are a couple examples:
Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
Luke 11:4b
4”And forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.”
Christ gave us a sober warning: if we don’t forgive those who offend us, God won’t forgive us. This warning has nothing to say about a condition of repentance. Since I know I am in major need of forgiveness, I am going to take Christ’s warning seriously. Until I see a clear statement in Scripture that it is wrong to forgive, or even permissible to not forgive until the offender repents and asks for forgiveness, I am going to seek to forgive unconditionally. I have way too many sins that need forgiving to risk God choosing not to forgive me.
Another reason we need to forgive, is so we do not continue to give the offender power over us. When we choose not to forgive, bitterness quickly takes root. When we are bitter, the offence becomes magnified in our minds. It is replayed time and time again. Each time the offence becomes more heinous. We grow more and more resentful. Bitterness is so deceitful, that merely claiming that you are willing to forgive, but not until he repents, will keep you in bondage. Lack of forgiveness is bondage. We can choose to find the grace to forgive at any moment and walk free. We do not have to remain in captivity until the offender decides to repent.
In conclusion, I think Scripture is clear: because God has forgiven us more than we can imagine, we must forgive those who offend us. There are no exceptions to this rule.
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